by Steve Gallagher
https://www.purelifeministries.org/
Special Routines
Deeply embedded within the heart of man is a spiritual altar. Every human has the capacity—no, the need—to worship. The objects of that worship are the things or persons which have taken the preeminent position of importance in the person’s life. Whatever they may be, they cast their looming shadow over all of the other aspects of his life.
It is this position in the human heart that God demands to occupy. Jesus said as much when He cited Deuteronomy 6:5 as being the greatest commandment: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37) This intimate relationship with Him was to form the basis of all religion.
Unfortunately, in his fallen spiritual condition, man’s natural tendency is to give that affection to something else. People prostrate themselves before all kinds of things in this earthly life: careers, homes, personal attractiveness, other people, food, entertainment, sports, drugs, etc. Truth be known, most people have acquired several idols. Even churchgoers crowd God into a secondary or even nonexistent position in their lives. Jesus rightly said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21)
For many, the powerful human drive for sex becomes the overriding passion of life. Kept in its proper place, sex is a marvelous means for a married couple to physically express their love to each other. However, when a person begins to indulge in some form of illicit sexual behavior, this passion can quickly get out of control.
As the neighborhood drug pusher entices someone with free marijuana in order to lead him into hard core drugs, so will Satan subtly lure an unwitting victim into bondage with a few satisfying sexual experiences. Gradually the object of the person’s fantasy—whether it be some particular act (oral sex, orgies, exhibitionism, etc.) or a specific type of person (blonde girl, men, children, etc.)—grows into a monstrous idol which lodges itself within his heart.
Over time this ravenous beast takes over and begins to drive the person’s life. Eventually he loses control of how often, with whom, and under what circumstances he will engage in sex. He has become addicted* to the euphoria associated with sexual activity in much the same way others become addicted to the high of alcohol or drugs. Thus, his sexuality and capacity to worship become fused into a corrupted, nearly irresistible drive to worship at the altar of sexual idolatry.
Special Routines
As the addiction tightens its grip on the victim, he enters into special routines or rituals to which he becomes accustomed. The addict’s personal fantasy is what dictates his particular routine. The resultant behavior can range anywhere from simple masturbation all the way to sexual serial killing.
I personally spent nearly 15 years of my life during the 70’s and early 80’s obsessed with sex. In those days one had to go to an adult bookstore to see hardcore pornography. My routine usually began by browsing the magazine racks for awhile. As my lust heightened, I would venture into the movie arcade, a dimly lit area located in the rear of the bookstore containing a number of booths where a man could watch a pornographic film in private. I would “size up” the movie advertisements for each one, determining which one most appealed to me. Then I would go from booth to booth, saving my favorite for last. Other times I would view pornography as a precursor to visiting a prostitute or going to a strip club.
These days, men are more likely to do their cruising online. They can easily spend hours in a sexual trance, going from one explicit website to another, vainly searching for some powerful image that will really fulfill their greatest fantasy.
But not everyone is satisfied with simply looking at dirty pictures. Their addiction has taken them much further than they ever imagined they would go. Once a person gives over to sexual sin, there is no telling which direction it may take him. There are all kinds of different ways people act out their sexual fantasies.
For instance, an exhibitionist will often drive around for an hour or more in a sexualized state of mind looking for a victim. Sam was a young teenager when he began sensing a desire to expose himself. Every morning, when a group of teenage girls would walk through his backyard on their way to school, he would masturbate while watching them through his window. Although he never dared to make himself visible, the thought of the girls seeing him masturbate would arouse him. As he grew older, this nagging urge continued to plague him. He would repeatedly dismiss it, yet it would not disappear. One day, he pulled his car over and masturbated while a woman walked by. He did a good job of concealing himself, but the thought of her seeing him was what really excited him. He repeated this same routine occasionally over the next several months until finally his lust overcame him, and he gave in to the temptation. He allowed a woman to see him as he climaxed. Even though it frightened him terribly, he found himself repeating the act over and over again. He could no longer be satisfied with masturbation alone.
The indecent phone caller’s routine closely resembles that of the exhibitionist, except that his ritual is done over the phone. As he dials telephone numbers, the caller will become aroused at the thought of reaching some woman who is naïve enough to listen to what he says. This is when his lust will be fulfilled.
Take Stan for example. His problems began with “dial-a-porn.” He would get himself worked up with pornography and then call a special number where a girl would talk sexually with him. But this was too easy. Rather than allow himself to end it with her, he would start breezing through the local telephone book calling numbers until he found a woman who would listen to his lewd suggestions and the graphic description of his subsequent climax.
The voyeur, or “peeping Tom,” will cruise streets for hours in hopes of finding a window that might provide some excitement. After he anxiously waits, for perhaps hours at a time, finally a glimpse of flesh will enter his visual field. This eyeful brings about the culmination of his lust.
Bob would be sitting in his house at night watching television when the thought of all of those potential windows would start to entice him. After everyone went to bed, he would sneak out of the house and down the street, searching for a window with open curtains. After finding one, he might stay for a long period of time until he scored a glimpse of anything exciting.
A “john” may act out his routine by cruising the “red-light” district, a haven for prostitutes. Captivated by the whole scene, he slowly cruises by each girl, carefully examining her. He begins to fantasize and lust builds up in his heart. Finally, one will catch his interest for whatever reason, and he will seek out her services for the evening.
Jody would spend hours driving down streets teeming with prostitutes. This was half of the excitement for him. Occasionally, he might pull over and talk with one for awhile, but usually he was not ready for his routine to end yet; so he would drive on and continue his cruising. Finally, after his desire to have sex approached its peak, he would select one of the girls to take back to his hotel room. This is where his routine would find its climax.
A more recent form of sexual addiction that has become prevalent revolves around Internet chat rooms. These online communication venues can range from the innocent interaction of teenagers playing electronic games to sites that host personal message boards of those seeking romantic relati
onships.
Virginia’s job required a working knowledge of the Internet. Being socially awkward, she found it difficult to interact meaningfully with guys—even those in her singles’ group. However, her inhibitions dissolved in chat rooms. She was in her element and could confidently communicate with others. She convinced herself that this would be the best way to find a Christian husband. But she gradually found herself spending more time in secular chat rooms where the language often became racy or even vulgar. At first, this scared her, but as she continued to cautiously dabble, she got to where she enjoyed being the object of attention from so many men. Before long she was spending all her spare time trolling for lusty partners who would engage in sexual conversations with her.
The compulsive homosexual might act out his routine in one of several ways. Usually he will go to the local gay bar where he will flirt around until he finds the right person. Or he might choose to go to an adult movie arcade where there will be straight or bisexual men who will welcome his services. There he will go from man to man throughout the night until he finally tires and finds some way to achieve enjoyment for himself.
Rick did both. Some nights he would go to the gay bars or gay bathhouses, seeking out another homosexual who attracted him. The two of them might have several drinks together as they got to know each other, and would then end up in bed for the night. Other nights he would go to the adult bookstores. He would offer to “take care of” straight men who were watching pornographic movies in small booths. In any given night, he might have sex with a dozen or more men in that booth. Although he was driven to do this, he was surprised at how little satisfaction he received from it.
A stepfather who is a practicing child molester would have a completely different routine. He may (or may not) start off by looking at pornography. Eventually, though, he will sneak into the child’s bedroom where he will act out his lust.
Lew began molesting his oldest daughter from the time she was ten. Each time he would spend several moments coaxing and comforting her to convince her that it was his way of showing his “special love” for her and that it would be their little secret. She reluctantly went along with it until he tried to molest her younger sister. Having lived with the horror of molestation, she could not bear to see her sister go through what she had endured. Out of desperation, she told her teacher, who immediately alerted the authorities.
All of these different people share one thing in common: they have allowed unbiblical thinking to dominate their lives to the point that they have become addicted to their behavior. Their actual routines may differ but they all have a distinct or observable pattern which eventually led to their “acting out” sexually.
Life for the Addict
Once an individual becomes addicted to sex, he enters into a vicious cycle of self-destruction and degradation. It appears that the more compulsive or perverted his sexual behavior is, the harsher society is in labeling and judging him because of it. Consequently, his whole life is consumed with guilt and shame. This is especially true of those persons who come from a Christian background or who are actively involved in their local church.
